Bite Somebody (ebook)
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by Sara Dobie Bauer
Paranormal Romance
Release Date: June 21, 2016
Ebook
ISBN-13: 9780692661833
Novel: Approx. 72,000 words
272 pages
Also available as a trade paperback
Find it Online:
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Independent Bookstores
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eBook purchases through World Weaver Press website include downloads of both Mobi (for Kindle) and ePub (for most other ereaders)
Wholesale: Ingram or direct: World Weaver Press.
Other books in the series: Bite Somebody (1), Bite Somebody Else (2)
Paranormal Romance
Release Date: June 21, 2016
Ebook
ISBN-13: 9780692661833
Novel: Approx. 72,000 words
272 pages
Also available as a trade paperback
Find it Online:
Amazon
Barnes & Noble
Books-a-Million
Goodreads
Independent Bookstores
iTunes/Apple iBooks
Kobo
eBook purchases through World Weaver Press website include downloads of both Mobi (for Kindle) and ePub (for most other ereaders)
Wholesale: Ingram or direct: World Weaver Press.
Other books in the series: Bite Somebody (1), Bite Somebody Else (2)
Description“Do you want to be perfect?”
That’s what Danny asked Celia the night he turned her into a vampire. Three months have passed since, and immortality didn’t transform her into the glamorous, sexy vamp she was expecting, but left her awkward, lonely, and working at a Florida gas station. On top of that, she’s a giant screw-up of an immortal, because the only blood she consumes is from illegally obtained hospital blood bags. What she needs to do—according to her moody vampire friend Imogene—is just … bite somebody. But Celia wants her first bite to be special, and she has yet to meet Mr. Right Bite. Then, Ian moves in next door. His scent creeps through her kitchen wall and makes her nose tingle, but insecure Celia can’t bring herself to meet the guy face-to-face. When she finally gets a look at Ian’s cyclist physique, curly black hair, and sun-kissed skin, other parts of Celia tingle, as well. Could he be the first bite she’s been waiting for to complete her vampire transformation? His kisses certainly have a way of making her fangs throb. Just when Celia starts to believe Ian may be the fairy tale ending she always wanted, her jerk of a creator returns to town, which spells nothing but trouble for everyone involved. ExcerptImogene said she’d be over at eleven, which was perfect, since Celia had an appointment with her shrink at nine o’clock that night. Celia’s parents died in a freak hurricane accident three years earlier and left her everything. Otherwise, she never would have been able to afford Dr. Rayna Savage.
She sounded like a comic book character, like lightning should shoot from her fingers—and maybe it did. Celia wasn’t sure. Dr. Savage was hot with long, silky brown hair. She had an angular face with perfect bone structure. She was like those women in advertisements at Bloomingdale’s, only she was a vampire. Dr. Savage’s office always smelled like lavender because she said lavender was calming. She kept the shades drawn, even though it was night. She asked if Celia had been journaling, which Dr. Savage thought was super powerful for self-actualization. “Yes!” Celia said. Victorious! “Every day?” “Well, twice,” she said. Less victorious! Dr. Savage tried to iron over the disappointed crinkle between her eyes by giving Celia a glittering grin. “Good. Twice is good. You should try journaling every night.” Celia sank further into the leather couch cushions, which evicted the sound of a fabric fart from deep within its pillows. “But something doesn’t happen every night,” she whined. “Yes, Celia, something happens every night.” She wanted to argue with her doctor, because Celia didn’t think hours spent watching her favorite 80s movies constituted “something.” “Just write what you’re feeling,” Dr. Savage said. “What are you feeling, Celia?” She pulled a piece of lint from her yoga pants to avoid Dr. Savage’s probing, brown eyes. When her therapist was trying to probe, she tilted her chin down and looked at Celia over her spectacles. It was very unnerving. But honestly, Celia had been feeling a lot, ever since the arrival of Woodsy BO Guy. He’d moved in to the Sleeping Gull Apartments seven days earlier, and Celia had been avoiding actually meeting him ever since. She didn’t bring up Woodsy. She wasn’t ready. She didn’t even bring up the strange girl named Imogene who would be at her apartment that very night. Instead, she said, “I’m feeling disappointed.” “Disappointed about what, Celia?” “Well. Danny said becoming a vampire would make me more special.” Dr. Savage’s voice went all sing-song. “You are special. We’re all special.” Celia wasn’t buying it. “Danny said I would be different and prettier and men would like me, but I’m just the same only more pale.” She threw her hands in the air. “I mean, it’s been three months, I haven’t bitten anyone, and I spend all my time drinking blood from hospital donation bags when I’m not working the night shift at a gas station. Being a newbie sucks.” Dr. Savage went probing again. “I think your problem isn’t being a newborn vampire, Celia. I think your problem goes further back.” Like when she was the fat kid in high school? Like when she only had one friend, Layla, and she was only Celia’s friend because she lived next-door growing up? Or like when she woke up the morning she was turned to find a note from Danny that just said, “See ya,” along with phone numbers for Dr. Rayna Savage and a blood dealer named Steve. Dr. Savage then announced, “I think you have a fear of your first bite.” Celia pouted. “I just haven’t met the right person.” “Celia. You never meet anyone.” She pulled another piece of lint from her yoga pants and begrudgingly agreed to see Dr. Savage twice a week. |
Winner of the 2017 Imadjinn Award for Best Paranormal Romance Novel!
Other Books in the Series
Bite Somebody Else, #2
Praise for Bite Somebody"A smart, snarky supernatural story with a romantic bite."
—Christopher Moore, author of Practical Demonkeeping and Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story "BITE SOMEBODY is nothing short of vamptacular! Often side-splittingly hilarious, at times poignant and overwhelmingly relatable, Sara Dobie Bauer takes us on a journey of self-discovery, friendship, and first love—with a dash of A-positive, surfer dude charm, fangs that go “boing,” and a purple-haired sidekick who's unapologetically stuck in the 80s. BITE SOMEBODY is a fresh, witty, rum-soaked take on the modern vampire story that you'll want to shamelessly sink your teeth into. Go ahead. Take a bite." — Tiffany Michelle Brown, author of Spin and Give it Back "Witty banter and hot sexy-times make BITE SOMEBODY sparkle in all the right ways." —Beth Cato, author of The Clockwork Dagger series "Bite Somebody is the Pretty in Pink of vampire stories; fun, self-consciously retro, and not afraid to be goofy. I'll never get the phrase 'Woodsy BO' out of my head. Sara Dobie Bauer knows how to keep a reader smiling." —Christopher Buehlman, author of Those Across the River "BITE SOMEBODY is sexy, funny, and A-positively alive with colorful characters. Celia is perfectly imperfect and insecure; adorable sexy human, Ian, sparkles more than any undead ever could; and Imogene is the kind of bad-influence friend we all need in our lives. Bursting with tasty giggles, devilish guffaws, and swoony sighs, BITE SOMEBODY is an absolute pleasure to sink your teeth into." —Jennifer Scott, author of The Accidental Book Club "It is gripping, it is funny, and OH MY GOD, it is sexy. Celia Merkin is a fabulous heroine, vulnerable and steely in equal measure, and Ian is a proper dreamboat. I just loved BITE SOMEBODY." —Lucy Holliday, author of A Night in with Audrey Hepburn |
Author
Photo Credit Dennis Mong
Sara Dobie Bauer is a writer, model, and mental health advocate with a creative writing degree from Ohio University. She spends most days at home in her pajamas as a book nerd and sex-pert for SheKnows.com. Her short story, “Don’t Ball the Boss,” was nominated for the 2015 Pushcart Prize, inspired by her shameless crush on Benedict Cumberbatch. She lives with her hottie husband and two precious pups in Northeast Ohio, although she would really like to live in a Tim Burton film. She is the author of Life without Harry, Forever Dead, and Wolf Among Sheep. Read more at SaraDobieBauer.com or find her on Twitter @SaraDobie.